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Wednesday, March 27, 2019

A Lesson From Shakespeare on being a "Malm"

If there is one thing I learned in life, it is that nothing stays the same. From the sand on the seashore to our waistlines and and relationships, we all change and grow. Every day.  Sometimes for our betterment, sometimes not.

Recently, I had a major change in my life. It was as if I woke up and suddenly I had become a, gulp, "malm."   When did this happen? But more importantly, how?

I searched my face for wrinkles, sags, and bags. You know, the stuff that old age is made of.  I saw nothing in particular that wasn't there before.  Hmmm.  Is it something am giving off subconsciously? Is it my manner, my tone, a look?  Or, is this some nebulous phenomenon that happens to all women at an exact predestined moment in their lives? C'mon! THIS GIRL WANTS TO KNOW.

Don't get me wrong. I know that malm is a term of respect and endearment.  I could be called much worse and I have.  Just not to my face....... On most Days.

The question is, what is it about the "malm" word that gives me the hebbeee geebees. On the surface malm is not a bad word, not really.  But seriously I hate it.

After giving it some thought, this is what I figured out.

Why The Word Malm Is A Soul Crushing Blow To Some Women

A "malm" is officially recognized as grown.  A grown woman is supposed to act grown things. All the time.  

"Malm" is telling me that at a glance you think  I am old or older than you....

"Malm" suggest that I am no longer "cool", or current

"Malm" informs me that I becoming more invisible or less attractive. Every day.

"Malm" makes me think of depends and my teeth soaking in a glass next to my bed

"Malm" says that my boobs are in a race to reach my waist or will be soon

So in a nutshell, "malm" is the signal that I have reached the end of my youth and all the glory that goes with it. 

And so, do you see why I hate this word?  Sigh.  As Shakespeare wrote, "rage against the dying of the light".  He probably wrote that the day he became a "sir", so  Shakespeare I feel you.  Thank you. I am not going down without a fight.  I will NOT stop until I am un-malmed. I promise. :)


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